Coming into myself

All alone

In the dead of night

lying awake in my bed

I am not empty

I am no longer empty.

Drawing anew on this new canvas of mine

At peace and content.

Still in the midst of all the chaos, dearth and abundance.

Shiny things and money no longer interest me

Coming into myself as affluence comes to surround me.

I finally notice the spring flowers bloom as the fall approaches rapidly

This beauty is here to stay

The Universe tells me.

I am. I finally just am.

Nothing else to say.

You have had money and

all the frills of life

you deprecated me because I had none

but now,

you lie awake at night.

Emptier with each day

you search for things to sway

as you grow more and more alone

with each passing day.

After all this time, we find ourselves on two opposite poles. Yet again.

~ P.

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What is next? I do not know.

I do not know how my story will unfold but I do know there is never a dull moment on this ride. As I live out this real life play,

There’s ups, there’s downs;

There’s valleys, there’s towns.

Hold your breath as we roll up and down.

Grass and stones.

All through it you gather wisdom of your own.

What is next? I do not know.

I fret, I panic, then it is morrow.

It’s a brand new day,

Bruised and battered I go on

How? I wonder to myself,

somehow I won’t let me down.

What is next? I do not know.

Stay glued to your seats,

next act is always in the row.

— Persephone

Old Camel Knees. 9 parts.

“God, I’ll wait.

I’ll wait. I’ll wrestle. I’ll stay. I want a new name……

….. God, take my fears and my doubts and my worries about you and help me to believe that you are good— that you have good for me.”

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Part 1.

We prayed for three hours.

Three hours. That is worth repeating once more: three hours.

There is little that I do for three hours. In fact, there is currently a list— a very short list— of things I am capable of doing for three-hours blocks of time. Those things include:

Reading a good book.

Eating copious amounts of nachos.

Watching anything Bradley Cooper related.

That’s about it. It’s a pretty short list. Prayer has never made the cut.

Still, in spite of me, we prayed for three hours. This is all because I found myself stumbling into a small chapel on Saturday. It was instantly myself and four students of a ministry in Atlanta. I didn’t know a single one. Sprawled out across chairs in a small chapel, tucked in the back of a white brick building, I eyed the plain walls covered in Sharpie marker prayers.

“We’re…

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Welcome to my theatre!

So I wish you first a
sense of theatre; only
those who love illusion
and know it will go far:
Otherwise we spend our
lives in a confusion
of what we say and do with
who we really are.

--W.H. Auden
“Many Happy Returns”
A girl finds her way back from the deepest crevices of the jungle, 
lost in parts where even the sunshine not dareth shine.

My soul was attacked and left tattered. Left all alone. Putting my broken, beaten down heart back together. Learning the lessons I need to learn. Finding my courage.

One difficult step at a time.

We will be fine. We shall find our way. We are on our way.

Love,

P.